One year ago today the world lost one of my favorite people. I woke up for school only to check my email and find that my aunt had sent out a very nice reminder of my mom and how much everyone misses her. Included in the email was one lone picture of my mom's hand that was wearing the wedding ring that had been worn by my grandma for so many years. Since my grandma had passed away just 5 short days earlier my aunts had given this ring to my mom. My mom being the funny lady that she was wore the ring with so much pride and flashed it to everyone that entered her room showing of her beautiful diamonds and bragging about how great they looked on her hand. She was always a lady that knew not to take things too seriously and that there is always fun to be had. I miss her so incredibly much with every day that passes. She meant the world to me and I can't believe that she is no longer here.
My sister's always joke that I cannot remember the day that she truly passed away, but in my defense I was out here in AZ so technically it was on the 5th. I remember very clearly. It was a day here of horrible weather. We had hail and rain multiple times that day. I remember because on more than one occasion I made the joke that AZ was angry my mom was not here where she belonged. Later that night around 9pm while I was at work my younger sister called me to tell me she was going to hold the phone by my mom's ear so that I could tell her bye and that I loved her because they didn't think she had much more time. That was one of the hardest things for me because I do not tell me feelings willingly. Normally someone has to say them to me first, but I pulled it together for her. Then sometime shortly after midnight my younger sister called again to tell me that she had passed. A part of me is still very angry at myself for not staying in MN. I do know that my mom really wanted me to return to school, it was very important to her that I finish.
Shortly after the phone call all the storms had stopped and it was completely calm and peaceful outside, I guess because my mom was also at peace. I am not the least bit religious myself, but know that my mom was spiritual and would have tried to comfort me in this same manner. She truly was an amazing women and I am thankful for the time I did have with her. I miss her every day, but together her and my grandma drive me to succeed at everything. So, in order to not let them down I really need to buckle down and study. I have to finish.
Since I didn't feel those losses during my first sememster made things hard enough on me I went ahead and got pregnant. Unfortunately, I have to go through all of this without my mom who would have been the greatest grandma ever.
Let's just see how much I truly can endure before I shut down. I am going to find a way to get myself through all this one way or another. I just have to give myself a kick in the butt because I have never been an overly motivated person. I am the person that does what I need to get by. However, this program does require more work out of me. So, now with all my added challenges I am getting that kick.
I know this is not the true purpose of this blog, but I am having trouble with my pictures right now so I am unable to post anything truly school related. Plus I feel that my mom deserves some sort of memorial from me. After all she is why I am in school again.
Thank you very much to my mom and grandma for always pushing me to do better. I promise that I will not let them down.
Anyway that is enough of my crazy ramblings.
Next posts will be school related. I promise.
No comments:
Post a Comment